1.8 Moving On Up

Last time, houses were upgraded, children were conceived, and Winter is Here. This time, birthdays, old friends and sudden wealth.


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Brienne: My liege, I have an important message for you.

Oh fuck me why did you have to break the goddamn computer.

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Brienne: I am with child once again!

Congrats. Maybe you wanna get the kid away from those toxic electrical fumes?

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Brienne: Baby!

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Jared: Baby!

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Brienne and Jared both rolled wishes to have a boy, so Brienne heads out to pick up some apples from the supermarket. Standing behind her there is Madison VanWatson, heavily pregnant by her new barely-legal boyfriend Ethan Bunch.

While she’s there, Brienne decides to become a property owner. The Gallant’s have made their first investment! She bought out the previous owners entirely, and changed its name from whatever stupid thing it was originally to Gallant Groceries.


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That raccoon from way back in chapter 4 makes a bold comeback. Apparently another 4 chapters is enough to make it forget what happened the last time it messed with this family, because no sooner has it arrived on the lot than the trash can is knocked onto its side.

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Tiff: OH NO THE FUCK YOU DON’T!!!

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Raccoon: My life…has flashed before my eyes…

Tiff: Heh. Still got it.


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Jared: RAWR BIRTHDAYS RAWR PARENTHOOD

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It’s Eleanor’s birthday! Jared, acting on a whim, invited his elder daughter Connie Ursine to the party. She recently aged up to child herself, and while he’s never felt any strong pull towards the little girl he never met, he figures El might like to know her estranged big sister. Even though technically neither of them know they’re half-sisters.

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Unfortunately Connie doesn’t make an appearance. Her mother Claire Ursine, who wasn’t even invited, shows up in some godawful elder-wear to veg out in front of the TV, and Gobias Koffi, who also wasn’t even invited, appears out of the blue to slow dance with Brienne. But no Connie.

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Jared: Figures, huh? First time I try to talk to the kid and she brushes me off.

Connor: I am reading this book. I am not listening to my brother’s melodrama. I am reading this book. I am not listening to my brother’s melodrama. I am reading-

Jared: Stow it wiseass. I just don’t want my kids to grow up even more messed up than us.

Connor: Pretty sure that’s not possible Jare.

Jared: I said stow it.

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Cake time!

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Brienne: Like a mighty dragon, my dear! Precisely. Now do be a dear and don’t age up in something foolish.

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El: *rolls the Inappropriate trait* Wa-ha-hey, like this mom?

No.

El: But I like the fugly Plantsim hair!

NO.

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One emergency makeover later, El looks quirky but bearable. (She did get to keep the cowgirl boots, because I am a big softy at heart.) She runs around the party putting her new Inappropriate trait to good use.

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El: Totally bitchin’ party, dad! You are raking in, like, hella cool dad points right now.

Jared:…

Jared: Your mother is going to disembowel me.

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As the party winds down and guests start heading home, a latecomer arrives.

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Connie: Hi Mr. Gallant. Sorry I came late, I got detention in school for cursing out my geography teacher.

A chip off the old block, I see.

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Emma: Oooh, I sense drama. *lurk*

Jared: Uhhh, no problem, kid. Just…make yourself at home? El’s around here somewhere, I’ll let her know there’s someone else her age here.

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Emma: *luuuuurrrk*

Connie: *giggles* You are so awkward!

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Despite Jared’s plans for sisterly bonding, the two don’t have much in common.

El: My parents got me this awesome new easel and paint for my birthday, but kinda like the idea of sculpting. What do you think, Connie?

Connie: I think I need to finish this geography homework or my mom’ll kick my butt.

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El: How the heck is geography more important than artistic mediums?!

Connie: I wouldn’t expect a little baby like you to get it, since you’re not even in school yet.

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El: *sulk sulk sulk* Whatever. At least I’ve got this rad easel.

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El: And this rad oven.

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El: And this rad dog.

The kid lives a pretty charmed life all around. The heavy snow during winter means she has near-constant snow days, giving her plenty of time to spend lazing around the house with mom.

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Brienne: Remember, Eleanor, that you must push yourself to succeed. No matter whether you or your unborn sibling inherits this home, the Gallant name must always be synonymous with ‘achievement.’

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Brienne: Also hounds are wonderful for digging up valuable rocks.

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El: Jeez, mom, lighten up! I’m, like, waaay tougher than you think.

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El: Oh god that looks painful.

Brienne: Ahaha! The blood of the malevolent runs ever red.

Jared doesn’t join them for couchwarming because the loveseat only seats 2 because he spends all of his time either at work or doing stupid shit like this.

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It’s 3 am, dude, go to sleep.


Notes: Well, I had this whole plan where I’d do an update a day, and that would hopefully push me over into generation 2 before I’m back in school. Of course that didn’t last longer than a few days. And of course I’m back in school this week. *pout*

Hopefully I’ll actually manage to keep to my self-appointed schedule this time! A new chapter every Sunday, occasionally skipping a week if I don’t have the time to play/write.

Thank you so much for sticking around and reading, I’ll see you next time! ^u^


Tiberium Postscript:

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At some point while I was clearing out people’s inventories, I realized that a huge collection of gems had been collecting in the dogs’ invisible backpacks. D’oh! So I sent Jared out to the local elixir store to cut them up.

Pro-tip: the gem-cutting machine is your friend. You can cut gems for free and every time you cut a gem you get at least one ‘gem dust’ as well, which you can either sell off or save to use in alchemy. It’s especially awesome when you cut Tiberium, which Jared does.

Anytime you place a cut Tiberium out into the world, it will eventually transform into a large spire cut Tiberium, worth just under 40-grand. This includes gem dust.

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So each of these…

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…turns into one of these.

That’s $120,000 right there. And just like that, the Gallants are stinking rich.

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2 thoughts on “1.8 Moving On Up

  1. Oh the Tiberium trick! One of my favorites.

    Also: “Jared: Your mother is going to disembowel me.”
    I laughed *so* hard at that.
    Don’t worry about sticking to a schedule! Write when you’ve got time and enjoy it! I’m back in school myself, unfortunately, but it just makes the updates that do come all the sweeter! I’ll be reading!

    Like

    • Yeah, Tiberium is a force to be reckoned with, especially in the early days of a legacy.
      ❤ Thanks for being understanding 🙂 I'm trying to bang out as much as possible before life gets hectic, as much for my own peace of mind as for anyone else's sake, but it's still a weight off my mind that everyone's being so nice about it!

      Liked by 1 person

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